teile.des.ganzen - my multitudes are awesome

As you may have noticed, I’m super behind on everything fandom. Still haven’t watched 5x13, won’t get to watch 5x14 tomorrow, no idea when I will get around to either of them. Frankly, I don’t see a belated first reactions post for 5x13 happen (let alone any other writing about that episode). There probably won’t be one for 5x14, either. I miss talking to you, but there just isn’t the time to do that right now.


Read More




apparently there was the first confirmed case of lesbian-to-lesbian HIV transmission a week ago

wrap it up ladies

You know, the first time I ever asked a licensed professional about how to have safe sex if it was between two cis-ladies she gave me deer in the headlights look and said “Well, you know I meant to attend that talk, but haven’t gotten to it yet.”

….huh…you know I am suddenly super nervous.

(And regarding dental damns, be straight with me, does ANYONE actually use these? Is this a thing that should be being pushed? Is there a better thing? My safe sex lessons revolved around the word ‘absence’ and then the word “condom” with a side of  ‘birth control,’ but that’s it.)

According to the article the infection happened via blood to blood contact, ie having sex during periods and using insertion toys so roughly that it sometimes caused bleeding. So my suggestion would be to use different toys for each person and/or use condoms with the toys (different condoms for each person), and to be careful about blood contact in general. Use gloves for fingering if you have a cut on your hand, that kind of thing.

Personally I wouldn’t be any more nervous than before about sex that doesn’t involve blood or semen or preseminal fluid, but everyone should do what they need to do to feel safe, and only take risks they’re comfortable with. 

Oh, good, I get to talk about safer sex for people of all genders and preferences again! That really has been a while, and I totally appreciate the opportunity.

Before I launch into actual safer sex information, let me throw a few handfuls of history at you.

  1. I’m fairly certain that this hasn’t been the first case of HIV transmission between cis women that has ever occured, just the first one that’s actually documented. (For a really, really long time, the possibility of cis-woman-to-cis-woman transmission wasn’t even asked about as a potential cause of HIV infection by the people who report stuff that makes up these statistics. That means if you were not just a lesbian who had had unprotected sex with her girlfriend (or any other woman), but also a IV drug user who had shared needles with anyone, and/or a sex worker who had had unprotected sex with cis men, it was automatically assumed you had been infected either by sharing needles or by having sex with cis men and questions stopped right then and there. This means that the statistics were pretty much useless to begin with if your were looking for facts about HIV transmission during sex between cis women. Actually, I’m not sure how much this has changed by now, if it has changed at all.)
  2. Every doctor I have asked about safer sex between cis women (and I have asked quite a few, mostly OB/GYNs) has been extremely clueless and of no help at all about this matter, even at the heyday of lesbian safer sex discussion (which in my mind happened in the 1990s). There just wasn’t any research about HIV transmission during sex without a flesh-and-blood penis, and if there was, they hadn’t heard of it.
  3. The earliest and most useful safer sex information for cis women who have sex with cis women was developed by BDSM dykes, some of whom also were sex workers. This is true to this day. Once again, some of most marginalized people in LGBTQ contexts (and boy, were they ever marginalized in the 1980s when they started talking and writing about this!) have made shit happen and we all benefit from that.

Okay, let’s get on to the safer sex info. First, some basics that apply to everyone. (And a disclaimer that I am not a medical or sex-ed professional, just an interested lay-person with a collection of safer sex brochures.)

  1. If you need a default rule of thumb to go by, I suggest having safer sex with everyone (if your life is such that you do have an actual choice there). Not just (as the article suggests) if one of the partners has a known HIV infection. Because you can’t see if someone is infected, many people don’t know they are, and some of those who do know may lie if you ask them. So it makes sense to assume that every sex partner could be infected and act accordingly. (For the sake of simplicity, I’m leaving out special arrangements - like fluid-bonding (= agreeing to have unprotected sex with a particular person, usually after extensive communication and testing for STDs) - you may have made with special people here.)
  2. Safer sex is not just about HIV protection (because there are a bunch of other STDs you probably don’t want to get/spread, either) but most things that keep you safe(r) from HIV also much reduce the risk of spreading other STDs.
  3. The basic idea of safer sex is: keep blood (including menstrual blood) and genital fluids from getting into someone else’s body. You may have tiny (= too tiny to see) wounds on your fingers/hands (especially if you bite your nails, have certain skin issues, or work a job where you often come home with small nicks and scratches - or maybe you just have cats that regularly attack your hands!). You could also have tiny wounds in your vagina/front hole or rectum that you can’t feel. Or maybe you have hemorrhoids that sometimes bleed a bit. All of these could be an entryway for HIV and other bacteria/viruses you don’t want.
  4. In practice, safer sex can mean two different things: a) not doing a specific thing because you consider it too risky (abstinence) or b) using barriers (such as condoms, dental dams, gloves) to do a thing that would otherwise be risky/riskier.

And now for some actual, detailed examples of what that means in practice.

Note: This part focuses on cis women, female-assigned-at-birth genderqueers, and/or trans guys having sex with each other. That said, much of it is applicable to people with other genders/bodies as well. The basic idea is to think about what you (want to) DO and what body parts are (will be) part of that and what barrier methods might suit them, and not on how you and your partner(s) identify in terms of gender or sexual orientation or how you and your partner(s) call those body parts. So pick what’s useful/applicable and leave the rest for someone else.

  • You could decide that no-barrier oral sex is just too risky for you (and maybe you’re not a huge fan of it anyway), so you decide to just not do it altogether. Or maybe you decide that you can live with a bit of risk and do your oral sex barrier-free and just skip the going-down on people who have (or just had) their period. The same idea applies to everything else, too. Not doing a thing (or not doing it in certain circumstances) is always an option. It’s just not the only option, and it may not be the best option for you.
  • Or you could decide that oral sex is awesome and you’re not going to let a little bit of latex keep you from having it, and then you’d go and get yourself a pack of dental dams or a roll of plastic wrap (seriously! just make sure it’s NOT suitable for microwave use because then there will be tiny holes in it that are big enough for HIV to pass through) and use that for purposes of going down on the person-who-is-not-a-cis-dude of your choice (or have them go down on you). Or a condom. Or a cut-apart latex glove (you can cut it open at the side, cut off the fingers and leave the thumb to pull over your tongue or over someone’s dick/clit). Whatever fits the bodies in question best.
  • If you want to use your fingers (or hands because fisting doesn’t just happen in fanfic) on someone’s genitals and/or asshole, you can cover them with a latex glove (you can even buy black ones for extra style!) or whatever other material you’re not allergic to (e.g. nitrile). This has the added benefit of a smoother surface, which is especially relevant for assholes because they are so much more tender than the average vagina/boy hole/front hole/[term of your preference] and/or fisting. You can also use a condom over your fingers if that’s what’s available. Perhaps you also have access to “finger condoms” (doctors sometimes use them but I don’t know the official medical term for them), which are basically gloves for a single finger.
  • For detachable (and other) dicks and dildos/vibrators above a certain size, condoms usually are the best choice of barrier. “Finger condoms” may work for smaller dicks, as may cut-open gloves (see above). Or you can use a different detachable dick/dildo/vibrator for each person/hole. You still need to wash/clean the dick/dildo/vibrator in question when you’re done (or between rounds, as the case may be).
  • General rule for all penetration/playing around holes: if you want to go from asshole to vagina/front hole on the same person, please change gloves/condoms (or fingers/hands/dildos/dicks). Everyone’s asshole is the home of very useful bacteria which should not be moved into a vagina/front hole (which is also why you should wipe front-to-back on the toilet). The same rule applies to switching between holes on different bodies. In other words: one glove/finger/hand per hole, except you CAN go from vagina/front hole to the same person’s asshole (but not back again).
  • Lube is your friend for all of these activities (you can totally put a drop of lube under a dental dam for extra slipperiness). If you use latex things, stay away from any lube that contains fat (because fat breaks latex). This includes Crisco, hand lotions, massage oils, and cream. If you use silicone things, stay away from silicone-based lube (because the lube might break the thing). Some people’s bodies don’t like glycerin, so you may need to look for a glycerin-free lube.
  • If you do things that break (or can break) the skin, such as cutting, (play) piercing, or caning, do wear gloves for touching open skin and make sure to disinfect and cover any wounds.

This list is mostly just an introduction and a rough overview, so feel free to ask me follow-up questions (which I will answer to the best of my ability) and do check out other reliable sources of information. For general sex (and relationship) education, I’m a huge, huge fan of Scarleteen (which is written mostly with a young audience in mind, but much of their information is very useful for older grown-ups as well). Here’s everything they tagged with “safer sex.” They also offer a text-only site. They are super LGBTQ-positive and super respectful of differences between humans, and generally think about people as a highly diverse group (and give information/advice accordingly). In short, they are awesome and you should check them out if you’re interested in learning stuff about sex or if you’re in need of advice in that area.



Hi tumblr,

Someone broke into the apartment. Every laptop Colton and I own between the 2 of us was stolen. We’ve got an iPad and a Nook, but we’re going to be scarce for a while. This is why.

Apparently the rule is that after this happens you are supposed to tell people you are fine, so: we’re fine.

Hi again tumblr,

Alex made a gofundme for Colton and me. We’re trying to put together some money to a) get the hell out of here, and b) replace what was stolen. 

It has been a terrible winter. We’re exploring all of our options, but my head is obviously not a super fun place right now.  Moving is really expensive, especially in DC, and especially if we want to move somewhere where this is less likely to happen. I work for a tiny nonprofit, and we’ve both recently moved across the country, so anything helps.

I’ve gotten a lot of asks about what people can do to help. We really appreciate the support.

Tag 25, 31, 32 - Äh, wo war ich?

Also, das mit dem täglichen Yoga hab ich bisher ja mal sowas von nicht hingekriegt. Bisher waren es nur 10 von 32 Tagen, an denen ich tatsächlich Yoga gemacht habe, und alleine zuhause waren es nur 5 von 32. Naja, aber eigentlich hatte ich ja (inoffiziell) auch nur 12 von 50 Tagen angepeilt, und damit bin ich ja nach wie vor gut dabei. ;)

Read More



and he should also start a line of cookie ingredient products.

Oh dear heavens……you know you are old and from a very different time when you see a gay man’s name written on a container of Crisco…..and can’t decide if you should laugh, cringe, become enraged or launch into a history lesson. Now I have Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s “Krisco Kisses” playing in my head. That said……I think it is inevitable that if Chris Colfer continues along the path of doing all the things…. that cookies will probably happen. But damn it the cookies will contain butter not Crisco.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who didn’t think of cookies when this image appeared on my dash…



and he should also start a line of cookie ingredient products.

Oh dear heavens……you know you are old and from a very different time when you see a gay man’s name written on a container of Crisco…..and can’t decide if you should laugh, cringe, become enraged or launch into a history lesson. Now I have Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s “Krisco Kisses” playing in my head. That said……I think it is inevitable that if Chris Colfer continues along the path of doing all the things…. that cookies will probably happen. But damn it the cookies will contain butter not Crisco.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who didn’t think of cookies when this image appeared on my dash…

Glee 5x12, “100”

Okay, I think I’m really, really over the McKinley side of things now and very, very ready to FINALLY move on. If making me feel like that was the point of this episode, well done, Glee. Otherwise, I remain decidedly underwhelmed.

True, there were some nice touches, like the (ret-conned) Rachel Chair, or the many little visual details reminding us of former episodes (e.g. spin the bottle, the Holy Trinity, Fondue for Two, Quinn’s prayer gesture, the Don’t Stop Believing hand gesture), which I’m sure I’d have fun identifying if I still cared for that part of the show. But most of it just felt like filler material and the drawing out (or, worse, the reviving) of storylines that already were very much over before the episode even began. But I guess that’s what you get when Ryan Murphy decides to bring back as many people from the old Glee cast as possible without any actual preexisting narrative need for them to be there.

  1. Nice touch, opening with Rachel and the Neckbrace Cheerio in the same shot. Also, Rachel and Mercedes? You will never get from high school what high school refused to give you when you still went there. MOVE ON ALREADY.
  2. Mercedes calls out everyone’s implied racism in a Rosa Parks reference when she says she’ll go to the back of the bus now. This still remains a tragically underexplored storyline.
  3. Kurt is so much not a part of any of this anymore, and he keeps sticking out to me as such, even in the most background of background moments. (Come to think of it, he had exactly two spoken lines: 1. that comment I still can’t turn into meaningful words right after Rachel sat down in the front-and-center chair and “for the millionth time: I did it on purpose” about messing up the high note in “Defying Gravity.” But then, he’s wearing camouflage, so I suppose he’d rather just not be there altogether.)
  4. Puck says “the past is dead to me” and lands right in front of a poster that says “3 in 10 New Mothers are Teens.” Yeah, right. Also, Biff Macintosh vs. Noah Puckerman. There was no chance in hell that this would end with Quinn marrying Biff.
  5. I do enjoy seeing Brittany doing extremely stereotypical math-nerdy things while wearing pastel-colored bunny sweaters and fluffy jackets. (Even though the Genius Ditz trope was done better in Legally Blonde.)
  6. Also, math in the astronomy classroom.
  7. And continued medicalized/scientified creepiness surrounding Brittany.
  8. I’m not sure what to make of the Holy Trinity rendition of “Toxic.” The fantasy parts of it reminded me of a cheap version of the (awesome) Cellblock Tango. And I don’t think the stripper analogy is a good one for the Cheerios because the Cheerios had power (which the stereotypical stripper doesn’t have). Then again, “it’s all about the teasing and none about the pleasing”?
  9. Also, I’m disappointed by the de-lesbianization of the “threesome” reunion by way of making these three women, all of whom had sex with another woman at least once twice, all about a very traditional (and implicitly heterosexualizing) male gaze.
  10. I’m not a fan of everyone Santana telling Brittany that doing math is not the Real Her because it smacks too much of “how dare you become someone different from the person you were I saw you as in high school?!” Even if Brittany herself doesn’t seem happy with doing nothing BUT math. But I’m sure there’s a way to do both math AND dancing.
  11. Fondue for Two is lampshading Rachel’s unrealistic schedule.
  12. Lord and Lady Tubbington making out. You people have already made gifs of that, right?
  13. I’m amused by the Dancing With The Stars reference during Fondue for Two (because Amber Riley turned out to be a much better dancer on DWTS than anyone who only knew her as Mercedes ever thought she’d be).
  14. I’m pretty sure that everyone’s introductions to Biff at Breadsticks are what he HEARD, not what they said.
  15. Also, bwahaha at Quinn hinting delicately at “lady things” to get Biff out of the room to fetch her purse (because she knows he wouldn’t ask any questions - or have any education - about THAT).
  16. I’m completely and utterly bored by the entire April/Sue/Will auditorium money plot.
  17. WHY IS THERE PRACTICALLY NO KURT IN “DEFYING GRAVITY”???!!!! That is just WRONG. (All the lines he gets to sing are: “I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game.” / “It’s time to try defying gravity.” / “Well, if that’s love it comes at -” / “And you won’t bring me down.” So, yes, indeed, Kurt is very much over McKinley.)
  18. Brittany is playing Wizards’ Chess! <3
  19. With a megaphone (which probably belonged to Sue once).
  20. I much enjoyed the “Valerie” choreography (jive!).
  21. Did I mention that Kurt is just so OVER it all?
  22. I’m also extremely bored by the Mercedes vs. Rachel diva-off plot. Except for the scene in the bathroom where Mercedes tells Rachel that Rachel’s (and other people’s) hate is what actually motivates her. But of course Rachel glosses over the accusation, accepts no responsibility and offers no apology for her own high school behavior and makes it all about her own sadness at not being remembered as the most awesome person ever. She is still seeing herself as nothing but a victim of other people’s meanness and unable to have empathy for anyone else who also didn’t have the time of their lives in high school (or who still struggles in their new adult life).
  23. But that bonding moment between the two over being both competitive with each other and still not wanting the other person to fail miserably was nicely done indeed. No thanks to Rachel Berry, though.
  24. Also, Mercedes is wearing some kind of deconstructed houndstooth. I mean, I know that pattern is highly fashionable right now (I’ve been shopping recently), but do we really take that as the only explanation for why people are wearing it on Glee all the time all of a sudden?
  25. I need a gif of Becky’s fake surprise face.
  26. Good for you, Puck, for finally throwing the right guy into the dumpster.
  27. Kurt isn’t even THERE for the diva vote. But he magically reappears after Holly started singing the only song that was NOT about the past!
  28. AND I’m tired and bored by the soulmate talk and the random reunion (or at least reunion attempt) of Puck/Quinn and Brittany/Santana. And while I can get behind a future of Quinn, Puck, and all of their messy past together, I can’t get behind a Brittany/Santana reunion at all. Even if I sympathize with Brittany and her sense of her body waking up again. But then, “you make me feel like a girl again” now that Santana is around again? Because she couldn’t feel like a girl when she was doing math (in her typical girly-cute Brittany wear, nonetheless)? I’m sorry, but that isn’t romantic, that is just sexist bullshit.
  29. Also, why are they holding these HUGE breadsticks (or whatever they are) in this scene?
  30. Puck and Quinn get a “Decisions” poster. Brittany gets an “Exit” sign. And Santana gets dancers’ skirts that look like she has her mind blown.
  31. The Quinn/Puck “stay” kiss is happening in the spot of the first kiss of Will and Emma (between two posters telling them “DON’T FORGET TO ORDER YOUR YEARBOOKS IN THE LIBRARY” and “REDUCE YOUR FOOTPRINT”).
  32. I believe Rachel’s quiet tears, but I don’t believe Will’s (or maybe I just don’t buy Matt Morrison’s acting).
  33. Finally, I am ALSO very much done with saying goodbye to Finn.
  34. April and Holly? Please don’t.


Laverne Cox is truly one of the most amazing and talented people in the whole universe. I’m so in awe of her and I want to be exactly like her when I grow up.

Gorgeous article! It’s not just about Laverne Cox, her career path and advocacy work, and the impact she has had in both areas so far (which is a lot of worthwhile stuff already!), but also more generally about trans* representation in the media and stuff like the importance of club culture for many trans people (especially trans women), the “magical queer makeover” genre (trope?), and remarks about “call and response” patterns of speech that Cox uses/inspires. Lots of super interesting things that I’ve never seen brought together like this before (which means my brain is now buzzing happily, making new connections).

As always, Laverne Cox looks at the entertainment industry as an insider with a highly political perspective who still needs to make a living in that field. Which results in her highlighting both the opportunities she got as well as the challenges she faced and the difficult choices she had to make to navigate that industry. And that (supported by the wonderful thinking of Saeed Jones, the article’s author) makes for an appropriately and delightfully complex analysis that I basically just want to roll around in while purring loudly.



While most of the speculation/headcanon I’ve seen about this scene talks about the post-coital-ness (and implied gayness) of it, I’m struck by how extremelly present Marley is in this room with them (and, for once, I don’t mean in a threesome/poly sort of way).

Not only do Jake and Ryder finally talk to each other about their conflict revolving around her, or (after reconfirming their friendship) make plans to get Marley’s songs to someone (almost) famous to keep her from quitting glee club giving up on her songwriting dreams.

No, they are actually doing so on bedcovers with a pastel flower pattern. And what would represent Marley ROSE, Glee’s resident flower child (and Wall-Flower-come-Woman-Fierce) more than flowers? I mean, you just have to check out her outfits to be pretty much smacked in the face with that theme…